First, let me remind you of what I was like before the Lord. Since I was ten, I had always believed in Him (Please refer to my first entry "Testimony"). A prayer, as a ten year old, was answered and I never doubted His existence. I grew up with divorced parents that lead to it's own trials. It wasn't until I was 23 did I give my life to Him. I was going down my own path, feeding my own desires. I worked hard, studied hard, partied hard, and relied on my relationships to feel loved. It made me so empty that I didn't want to live anymore. I had nothing to live for... or so I thought.
I gave my life to Christ as a last option. The Lord was my last choice. What amazes me, is that even though I picked Him last, He came to my rescue as soon as the words, "Lord, please help me... I can't do this anymore." left my mouth. He showed me He had been waiting on me a long time before I cognitively understood what and who God was. The Lord had known me and loved me for a long time.
I want to take a second to tell you that no matter where your past has been, and no matter what decisions you have made, The Lord can redeem it all. He will redeem not only where you came from, but also the places you brought yourself. He will do this ONLY because he LOVES you; if you let Him.
I always wondered why I was allowed to see the Angel when I 10. Why did I ever write that letter? What made me so curious about the concept of God? I always wondered why the Lord had been so active in my life. (I can see this now; I couldn't see it then). I never understood my situation, why I went through what I went through and what God had to do with that.
On my wedding day, when my husband's Mother was giving her speech, she said, "When we knew I was pregnant, we were in a bible study where we discussed praying for our unborn children. That lead to praying for our son's future wife if he were to marry. We never knew who she was but we prayed that she would have a heart for The Lord. That she would come to know Him..." To find out that there was a family out there praying for me, before I was even born, who didn't know of the pain I would feel, and knew nothing of the struggle I would face to find wholeness in my life... is so far beyond me. It is the wonders of God and evidence of how deep His love for each one of us is.
It is in his word that, "Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes" Ephesians 1:4.
Not only did the Lord redeem the decisions I made in my life, He redeemed my past. My family has been in turmoil for a long time with one another. On my wedding day, they all came together. I had been praying everyday that The Lord be present at my wedding. I wanted Him to not only be apart of it but be the very foundation on which it is built.
For my wedding, I had my Father walk me down the isle and have my Stepfather marry me and my now husband. These are two men that have had such an instrumental part of my life. I love them both and The Lord provided the perfect situation to allow both of them an equal part in my marriage. These are also two men that have not gotten along for many reasons. But... on my wedding day, they hugged. If you only knew how symbolic this was... you could see The Lord.
The Lord works in ways we do not understand. We have difficulty believing in Him because He is not a tangible being and we live in such a tangible world. If we could just see Him and if we could just feel Him... then we would believe in Him. But would you? What amazes me about my whole situation is that even though He showed me He existed by sending a "white figure" to stand over my letter to God, I still didn't believe IN Him. He could give us all the proof in the world that He is real and we would still choose not to follow Him. He has given us everything we need to make a choice. Above all, He has given us the freedom to choose. And ultimately, choosing Him gives us freedom.
We are imperfect people have created imperfect means to teach others about the Lord. And regardless of our intentions, we have pushed people away by imperfectly representing the Lord. But, If you seek Him, He is perfect. He will take your life and redeem it. I believe His word to be true: "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10). When you seek the things of this world for love and happiness, it will only destroy you, but seek the Lord and you will have life.
I want to share my stories so that maybe you too can either come to find Him or give hope to those who are in the valley. This life will always have ups and downs; the Lord gives meaning to it all. I want to encourage you that The Lord is very active in your life. If you choose to walk away from Him, He will be waiting for you to return. If you cannot feel Him right now, He is very close. If you have never known Him, He has always known you.
"And through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him..."
Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom he has redeemed from trouble
