Prince Charming

Ladies, this one is for you.

    I'm going to get straight to the point on this one: Men. We all want our Prince Charming. I'm sure most of us have been in a relationship where we thought "He is THE ONE!" Only for it to come crumbling down months later to an ice cream, Pride and Prejudice movie and an "I didn't need him anyway!" kind of end. Is anyone relating? 

   Well, I'm going to approach this subject in the way I have experienced it. I will start with the bottom line first: A man will not make you happy. The day you make a man the center of your life is the day you set yourself up for disappointment. Not because of men but because a man cannot and should not fill God's place. 

   A man will not fix that hole you have; that emptiness you have where you think chocolates, dates, flowers, and gifts will make your problems go away. You just want to be wanted right? Let me stop and say those things can be part of a relationship, but if you're empty to start with, those things will not fill it. It is unrealistic and unfair to put that expectation on one person. You are already WANTED! More than you could ever know! You have to understand that, so you can understand your worth, and so you don't settle for less than you deserve. You my dear, are a treasure. 

   I want to take a moment and address women who have been or are in an abusive relationship, physically and or verbally, or are just not being treated right. You are NOT stuck, you are NOT trapped, you are NOT weak, it is NOT your fault, you have NO obligations to him, and you are NOT alone! Ladies, I don't care what you have said or what you have done, you do not deserve to be treated any less than the jewel you ARE. You may need healing, you may need to work on yourself, but you do NOT deserve to be mistreated. 

   God saved me. He didn't save me from a bad relationship, he saved me from myself. It was time for me to look in the mirror and ask myself, "What am I doing?" to what ends of destroying myself will I go in order to feel wanted? When ultimately, the one thing that can bring wholeness to your life is God. The one who wants you and loves you more than anyone else ever could... is God.

   You want to be whole? You want to be loved? Seek God with all your heart. He knows what you want. Seek Him in everything and he will provide for you. Here are some things that I have said to myself that were lies, and the Bible says otherwise.

 

"I will be alone."

 No, never will I leave you, never will I forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5)

 

"I cannot be loved."

 No, for God so loved the world, He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)

 

"I have to do this all by myself."

  No, fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

 

"It's God's plan for me to be unhappy."

   No, for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

 

"God looks at me in disgrace."

 No, I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters… (2 Corinthians 6:18)

 For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Thessalonians 5:9)

 

"I am not good enough."

  No, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)

 

"God has forgotten about me."

  No, he has more precious thoughts for you than all the grains in the sands in the world. (Psalm 139: 17-18)

 

"God made a mistake."

   No, He knew you before the Earth began (Ephesians 1:4)

 

"This is too hard for you."

  No, for you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you! (Philippians 4:13)

 

Beloved

I invite you to do something tonight; If you're someone who doesn't believe in God, just take a few minutes to really sit by yourself and ask, "God, I want to know if you're real." The way that I look at it is you have absolutely nothing to lose. If there isn't a God, then there isn't. But, if there is... I'm here to tell you, there are wonders that you have yet to even scratch the surface on.

I hope I don't push you away from reading because I talk about God, but I can't stop talking about it... it has completely changed my life. My past was so wrecked, consumed with so much conflict and the only thing that saved me was God. I have no idea where I would be right now if I hadn't had my encounter with God at ten. (If you haven't read my first blog, please stop and read 'Testimony').

If you're like me, and have a past that when you think on it, breaks your heart and leaves a hole, there is only one thing that I have ever experienced that fills it.

I have told you some experiences from my past but I want to bring you to my present for this blog. Because of my past, I have had some holes that needed filling. Let me tell you, even up to now, I have tried to fill that hole with everything but God.  They all have left me empty and with the bitter taste of guilt. I still question if my life will ever feel complete.

Just last night, I recalled an event from my recent past where I had become a person that I couldn't recognize, a person that hated herself, a person that hated the life she was in, and could not think of one good thing in it. After recalling that moment a rush of deep guilt and shame came over me for even thinking that way. I was completely selfish in thinking that my life was all about me and how I couldn't see one good thing that I had. I let the negative consume me. I did things that I regret, said things that I wish I could take back, and was a victim to events that would scar me. I literally cried and said, "Jesus, I am so sorry. I am so sorry that I thought the life you gave me was worthless and I'm so sorry I have gone to everything but you... Jesus, I need you". Immediately after saying this out loud, my Pandora played this song... a song I never heard before:

Beloved:

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need

Give me your life
The lust and the lies
And the past you're afraid I might see
You've been running away from me

You're my beloved 

Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My love it unites us and it binds you to me
It's a mystery

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
I'm the giver of life
I'll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
Come running home to me

You're my beloved 

Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My love it unites us it bind you to me

You've been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers that won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips and you'll taste new life

If you have been in a place where you are heartbroken and feel regret and guilt then you understand how wonderful it would be to hear these words.

Even if you're not convinced, or feel my words are cheesy, and sometime they are! I apologize! But I have been so broken. I have been so low. I have been so ashamed. The ONLY thing that helps, the ONLY thing that gives me peace is this. I want YOU to have this too. I want you to experience love so powerful it literally makes you fall to your knees and cry. If you have been as broken as I have, I'm here to tell you that this     love      is      real.

All you have to do is truly open your heart and ask, and God will show you Himself in a way that you can understand.

And Also Darkness

There is light and also darkness.

In my last blog, I described my first encounter. I knew what it was almost immediately after seeing it... an angel. I don't think I was allowed to see all of it, just enough to know it was there. It was all white, it had a human like shape and when it "spoke" to me, it wasn't through it's mouth or audible in any way, it was in my heart. A few days after my experience, I drew a picture of it and saved it somewhere... I'm sad to say I don't know where it is.

Now that I have shared with you my first experience, I hope that you can be open to all that I will share with you because they are truly things that I have witnessed.

I said that you were a part of something greater. That your life has a destiny or a purpose for good, providing you choose it.  I also said that your life is about a battle of good and evil where love always conquers all. Seeing an angel was my proof of life beyond us and that God is very real. My next experience was far different from the last. This explanation will be very brief because my experience with this was very brief. It is not the last experience, but I will be sharing them in chronological order.

This part of my life, I would describe as a precursor to an explosion. It was about to be the beginning of a lot of conflict; my brother and I could sense it. Have you ever walked into a room and just felt the tension? That is how I would describe life at this point.

Shortly after my experience, closer to when my parents were to be divorced, I was sleeping in my parents bed. It was just me and my Mom. I remember I was scared because even though the room was dark, it "felt" dark. I remember thinking, "Maybe this is the angel again?" but I knew it wasn't. I knew that something about the "atmosphere" was off, and I kept looking around to try to figure it out.  I remember fixating on a spot on the ceiling in the room where is was especially dark. It was in the right hand corner of the room above the door leading out of the bedroom. I tried to wake my Mom to tell her that I was scared and something was in the room with us, "a man on the ceiling", but she just told me "It's OK, it's here to protect you." and then I knew that she was not seeing or feeling what I was.

Nothing ever came of the being, to me anyway. It didn't communicate with me and I'm not sure if it knew I could see it. But he was there and he was watching, and I first felt the negativity before I saw anything. I don't remember what ended up happening but I must have been able to get to a point where I could fall asleep.

This "negative" experience is the first of many that I have had. There is one thing that I want to make very clear before I continue sharing them... I have seen more bad "things" than I have good. The only "good thing" that I have seen was the angel at ten years old. However, the one good experience far outweighs any dark thing that has ever presented itself. It's not to say that those experiences weren't serious or weren't influential, but the good has always outweighed any of the bad.

I will share these stories the way I experienced them and eventually will get to a point where I tell you conclusions I have come to regarding them. But right now I will just give you facts so that maybe you can begin to make conclusions for your own life.

Testimony

I am not a writer. I just have a story.

 If you are feeling empty, lonely, unfulfilled, or like there must be something more, I am here to tell you there is. We, and by we I mean as individuals and human beings, are a part of something so much bigger than we could ever imagine. Every fictional story of adventure, of heroes and of good and evil cannot even compare to the story that we are a part of. The problem is we are deceived beyond belief. We have been deceived into believing our lives are nothing more than a start to finish of meaningless tasks and checklists to complete before we die. Or that our lives couldn’t possibly mean something unless we ourselves make it something. This story is even for those who believe but who have lost sight of the reality. If you have even the smallest amount of curiosity or want to believe that maybe your life has true meaning, then be open to what I am about to tell you...

I will tell you as to why I know this shortly, but first just imagine for a second that your life has a destiny or a purpose. Your life is in a constant battle of good and evil. There are beings that exist that most of us know nothing about. Your life is about love and how love will always conquer all. As a teen, I got lost in stories like Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, or Star Wars and asked myself, "Why can't our lives be that epic?" But it IS that epic! Our story is profound! And YOU as an individual have a part! It's all about the choice of what part you choose to play in this glorious story.

 I first got a taste of this story when I was ten. I would like to say that is when my part in this story started. Unbeknown to me, my parents were about to be divorced. This would lead to alcohol and drug abuse, years of pain and fear for loved ones lives. Before this though, at ten years old I wanted to know if God was real.

I had written a letter to Santa Clause once, without telling my parents, asking if he was real and if he was really able to see all the good and bad things I did. He never responded to my letter. I decided one night that I would do the same for God. I wanted to know if someone out there was looking after me, loving me or something out there to hope for. Was there really something bigger? The note read:

 Dear God,

 

Are you real? Do you love me? If so, please write back.

 Love,

Coree

 

I put the note at the end of my bed with a pencil.

 The next morning I woke up for school and immediately checked the note. There was nothing there… I even checked to see if the paper or pencil had been moved at all, and I remember thinking, "Great, God is just like Santa, he's not real." So I continued to get ready for school and then hopped in my Dad's truck. I realized I forgot my book-bag and thought maybe I left it in my room. So I went back inside and ran to my room only to find that my book-bag wasn't there. As I turned to leave my room, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I stopped and turned to look and there was someone in all white standing over my note at the end of my bed… it was reading my letter.

Now let me stop to tell you that this is the most memorable moment of my life. I can remember every detail of that room and that moment. It was sunny, the quilt on my bed was pink and white, the bed was made, and my note was on a yellow piece of paper with an old fashioned lead two pencil next to it. The book-bag I had been looking for was green with my purple initials stitched on the front. I have no doubt in my mind that this happened to me. Though, there are also other forces that tried to ruin that memory for me, and I will go into that later...

 I gasped, and as I did, the being looked up at me and in that moment I got my answer... "Yes, God is real, He loves you and everything is going to be all right." It looked at me for another 10-12 seconds and slowly backed into my wall and disappeared...

 

This is just the start to my story and my experiences. So for just a moment consider the idea that you are a part of something greater. I will continue to write and share my stories... and hope that you really begin to question your part in this life.