I hope I don't push you away from reading because I talk about God, but I can't stop talking about it... it has completely changed my life. My past was so wrecked, consumed with so much conflict and the only thing that saved me was God. I have no idea where I would be right now if I hadn't had my encounter with God at ten. (If you haven't read my first blog, please stop and read 'Testimony').
If you're like me, and have a past that when you think on it, breaks your heart and leaves a hole, there is only one thing that I have ever experienced that fills it.
I have told you some experiences from my past but I want to bring you to my present for this blog. Because of my past, I have had some holes that needed filling. Let me tell you, even up to now, I have tried to fill that hole with everything but God. They all have left me empty and with the bitter taste of guilt. I still question if my life will ever feel complete.
Just last night, I recalled an event from my recent past where I had become a person that I couldn't recognize, a person that hated herself, a person that hated the life she was in, and could not think of one good thing in it. After recalling that moment a rush of deep guilt and shame came over me for even thinking that way. I was completely selfish in thinking that my life was all about me and how I couldn't see one good thing that I had. I let the negative consume me. I did things that I regret, said things that I wish I could take back, and was a victim to events that would scar me. I literally cried and said, "Jesus, I am so sorry. I am so sorry that I thought the life you gave me was worthless and I'm so sorry I have gone to everything but you... Jesus, I need you". Immediately after saying this out loud, my Pandora played this song... a song I never heard before:
Beloved:
Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
Give me your life
The lust and the lies
And the past you're afraid I might see
You've been running away from me
You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My love it unites us and it binds you to me
It's a mystery
Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
I'm the giver of life
I'll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
Come running home to me
You're my beloved
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My love it unites us and it binds you to me
It's a mystery
Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
I'm the giver of life
I'll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
Come running home to me
You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My love it unites us it bind you to me
You've been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers that won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips and you'll taste new life
If you have been in a place where you are heartbroken and feel regret and guilt then you understand how wonderful it would be to hear these words.
Even if you're not convinced, or feel my words are cheesy, and sometime they are! I apologize! But I have been so broken. I have been so low. I have been so ashamed. The ONLY thing that helps, the ONLY thing that gives me peace is this. I want YOU to have this too. I want you to experience love so powerful it literally makes you fall to your knees and cry. If you have been as broken as I have, I'm here to tell you that this love is real.
All you have to do is truly open your heart and ask, and God will show you Himself in a way that you can understand.
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My love it unites us it bind you to me
You've been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers that won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips and you'll taste new life
If you have been in a place where you are heartbroken and feel regret and guilt then you understand how wonderful it would be to hear these words.
Even if you're not convinced, or feel my words are cheesy, and sometime they are! I apologize! But I have been so broken. I have been so low. I have been so ashamed. The ONLY thing that helps, the ONLY thing that gives me peace is this. I want YOU to have this too. I want you to experience love so powerful it literally makes you fall to your knees and cry. If you have been as broken as I have, I'm here to tell you that this love is real.
All you have to do is truly open your heart and ask, and God will show you Himself in a way that you can understand.
Hi Coree, I stumbled upon your blog and I have to say I'm pretty impressed with your story. As someone who believes strongly in God myself, I really can relate to what you are saying.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I would suggest is to continuously learn about God. Look at what God says about himself. Look more deeply into religion. Look into the Stories of Moses, Jesus and Muhammed. They truly understood God and relayed to us (All of humanity)everything we need to know about God. They showed us how to be obedient and grateful servants in a way that is PLEASING TO God.
My one advice is: Always ask GOD for GUIDANCE and to make you upon the truth in all circumstances.
Again thanks for your story. All the best Coree!
:)
Peace.
Thank you so much Hassaan. I really appreciate the comment and the advice. It is very helpful, reassuring, and is a humble reminder that strangers can come together with the common ground of God. I will definitely dive into those areas!
DeleteThank you so much and I wish you the best as well :)
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Who sings the song Beloved? What is your favorite Bible verse? Really enjoy seeing someone on fire for God as you are through your blog.
ReplyDelete10th Avenue North sings it! My favorite Bible verses change over time, but one that I love is Hosea 2: 10-20. Thank you for reading and commenting. It's all Him working in my life giving me something to talk about. :)
DeleteCoree, it was so nice to read this...a while ago I had similar experience. Before I couldn't pray...because it was so hard to go through things that I have buried deep inside..But that day I did...First I didn't know how to get those things out..then suddenly I said everything that was making me suffer, I just started to cry and got it all out...and suddenly...I started to get answers to my every question and I started to feel safer than ever. I felt that everything is going to be okay. That was the most beutiful moment in my life.
ReplyDeleteYou have really nice blog, keep it up :)
God bless you and thank God you were able to find that peace in the midst of your pain. It is such a heavy burden to have and when you give it to Him... it's such a blessing. I'm so thankful that you have found the answer in Him. Where we are weak, He is strong. That is the beautiful thing about Him. He will take our pain. He does not promise a life free from struggle. But our struggle, in Jesus Christ, will never be in vain. Hold onto His promises and always go to Him. When things are hard again, go to Him. Never stop seeking Him. Thank you so much for sharing. It is humbling to hear it from others. We are not alone. Thank you :)
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